Gratitude In Difficult Times

"If you’ve forgotten the language of gratitude, you’ll never be on speaking terms with happiness" - Anonymous

Life can be tough, and for some it is much more so than for others. We go through hard times in life, times when our inner strengths and mental resilience are tested. Hard times appear in different manifestations: financial difficulty, employment layoff, unexpected disappointments, demise of a loved one, relationship/marriage troubles, struggling to overcome a nagging challenge etc. These experiences can be brutal, each with the potency to knock anyone down and off course for a while. But setbacks, disappointments, failures and tragedies are a part of life. Whether we manage to find joy and happiness during and after the struggle is contingent on our ability to soldier on. Different people will cope with these situations differently. Some will turn to God, some to drugs and alcohol, some will quit and some will endure.

Gratitude comes naturally when times are good, say, when you receive a fat pay cheque but it’s always hard to see the good that exists amidst our troubles, let alone being grateful for them. In the midst of trial, pain and frustration, negativity and despair can be alluring. Anger, frustration, desperation, anxiety quickly take over. Under these circumstances, complaining can be really appealing. Sometimes it is good to pour out one’s feelings, to stop pretending everything is going well. There is no gain in denying or trying to ignore the issue at hand. So, it’s good to discuss the highs and lows of life, to cry, if one needs to, because it’s healthy to shed tears sometimes. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again. But when complaining becomes a habit, this creates an aura of negativity that attracts even more negativity, and it’s often difficult to escape these predicaments without the unwavering positivity that’s necessary to get through them.

When times are hard, gratitude can be quite elusive, but gratitude, notwithstanding life’s circumstances, is key to emotional, mental and physical well-being. Scientific studies have found that showing gratitude boosts happiness, improves health, strengthens relationships and helps to better deal with adversity. What religion has known and taught for millennia, science has just recently confirmed. Many religions – Christianity, Islam, Judaism - emphasize gratitude. Gratefulness is an essential component of worship. That being said, gratitude is not necessarily a religious rite. Gratitude is an emotion (it is also an attitude). Therefore, one can have a grateful disposition even if one’s not religious. You can be grateful to God and you can still be grateful to other potential source of goodness.

Life gives us many reasons to despair, but gratitude can be a great coping mechanism, a potent tool for emptying oneself of the negative emotions of frustration, worry, and anger. When invoked, gratitude injects you with positive energy, it turns confusion to clarity, chaos to order, denial to acceptance, and it gives you the insight and strength to march forward. True, good times are the best but it’s important to remember that hard times are good in their own way, too. Everything has its wonders – even darkness and disaster. There is no situation, however bad, in which there is not something to be grateful for or happy about. And there is beauty in everything, if only we knew how and where to find it. The challenge is to look for or start noticing what still works instead of concentrating on what does not, to fish out opportunities and blessings that may exist, yet may not be so obvious.

Even if you have lost your job, you might be grateful for the experience you have acquired, or for the relationships you have built. Instead of lamenting the seemingly insurmountable challenge you are wrestling with, you might be grateful that you are still alive to fight the battle. Maybe you are heart-broken because of a failed relationship, you might be grateful that your heart still beats. If you lost a loved one (I realize this can be very tough), you might still be grateful for the precious moments you shared. By being mindful and deliberate in focusing on your blessings, you are helping your own attitude, thus positioning yourself to better deal with the challenges.

So many situations that started out with the colouration of gloom have ended with unusual opportunities. Sometimes a hurtful disappointment or setback is the precursor to an eventual breakthrough, but it takes a positive attitude to help recognize the hidden blessings that may accompany these unwelcome situations. So, when difficulties arise, rather than posturing as a victim of circumstance, it becomes even more necessary to take a close look at the beauty of life and be grateful, to shift focus from the negative to the positive; to transition from pessimism to optimism, and to switch from anger and sadness to cheerful hope and a desire to make things better. In my view, the strongest people are not the ones who lift the heaviest weights, rather the ones who confront their problems with positive thoughts, mental resilience and a grateful heart.

Be positive, be grateful, be prosperous!